I remember high school days… when all the boys and all the girls wanted to know one thing about the opposite sex: how do I make him or her like me?
Even in college, attracting the opposite sex was a rather elusive endeavor for me. How do I get her to notice me? How do I let her know that I want to be more than friends? Should I be funny around her? Do I just act nice? Do I give her a compliment? Maybe I should do thoughtful things to her.
There was a girl in college. She was petite, cute, had long black silky hair, she was really funny. There was an energy about her that just drew me to her. I didn’t consider her to be the usual type of girl that I would be attracted to.
First, she was Asian. I know, I know… that sounds terrible for me to say that but even though I am Asian, I am typically more attracted to non-Asian girls. I blame the whole living and being raised in France thing for that.
Second, she had a light speech stutter. However, that didn’t seem to bug me. I thought it was cute!
Third, she was rather small… and that implied a small chest too. I don’t know about you guys but I love boobs. Yep, I said it! Get over it
I think what drew me to her is that I found her to be such an oddity. She didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t fit any of my preconceived notions of what an Asian girl would be like.
I’m sure you guys have heard of the stereotype. Asian people drive Japanese cars. Well, guess what? She drove the biggest freaking Ford F-150 truck you could find. With her small frame, I’d watch her climb into her truck and drive away so proudly in it. Just the image of it still makes me chuckle.
Living in Texas at the time, I should have expected it too but she LOVED country music. I consider myself pretty open and experimental in my taste of music but I have to admit that country music is definitely not on my preferred list of music to jam to.
Looking back at what slowly drew me to her… and what drew me to all the women I went out with, I realize something. When it comes to me liking someone, I follow a pretty simple pattern.
First, something gets me intrigued about her. It could be her looks because she’s just hot. More particularly, it could be in the way she walks as in she has that weightless cloud-like demeanor to her. It could be her energy… because she’s very passionate about something, or she shows a lot of compassion or drive for something. It could be something she said to me… like she’s very flirty but in a non-expected way. Basically, she would say something that makes me do a mental double take.
Then, as I get curious about her and start hanging out with her or talking to her, I notice that she’s fun. It’s easy for me to talk to her, flirt with her, chat with her, tease her, be playful with her. Not only it’s easy, but it feels that she “gets me.” As we have fun together, we connect not on facts… but on an emotional level. She either looks at life the same way I do or she makes me look at life in a new and cool way.
Finally, I see in her that she’s comfortable with herself, not just emotionally but physically too… which in turn makes me even more comfortable around her. No matter what we do, there’s an undercurrent of sexual tension. We can talk about life, family and work but we are also comfortable touching each other, using light sexual innuendos with one another, bantering… etc. Nothing she says comes from a place of trying to impress me. She’s her own woman, she speaks her own mind and act for her own pleasure and deep inside, she knows I want her… and I know she wants me.
So why am i sharing this with you? Because once you realize how you feel about yourself and how you interact with your world, it’s easy for you to figure out how to make someone like you.
Interestingly, the simple truth is no one can MAKE someone like you. But by being who you are, by the way you interact with your surroundings, by the things you project about yourself, you can influence her emotions to see you the way you hope she sees you.
There are 3 skills that I consistently notice lacking in people that come to me for help (There’s actually a fourth skill but it’s not really a skill as much as it is your ability to (more…)