I was going to post my weekly podcast today but sometimes, you receive a letter that is way too good not to post right away.
Dear Ball Sack Boy,
At first, you were so irresistibly charming. You turned on the mood music, warmed up the cocoa butter… You even dimmed down the lights. I smiled because I’ve always done it with the lights on before. So far, it seemed like you had done everything right.
After a nice rub down, you whispered to me, “What do you want me to do?” I whispered back softly in your ear, “I want you to fuck me hard.” Your eyes lit up, discovering we were of the same mindset.
As I went down on you, I gently massaged your manly area. You were delighted, “Oh you know how to play with the balls!” I kept going as I could tell it turned you on.
“Pull on it. Hard!”
I only obliged.
“No, hard! Harder!”
“Huh??… Is it okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You know how you like to be fucked hard? Same thing. I like to be pulled on my balls hard.”
“Whoaaaaaaaaa, what?!!” I thought….
It’s one thing to have hot, passionate, lustful sex. It’s another thing to be jerking on someone’s balls like it’s a rubber band.
As I was oddly jerking off your balls (instead of your cock), I couldn’t help but wonder if all that extra skin there was a product of genetics or of you stretching it so much from all the masturbatory pulling and tugging you do to your family jewels.
They were just regular-sized balls. Why the big ball sacks?
I shouldn’t presume. After all, we just got to know each other but isn’t this our first night? What else would I…
“Oh yeah… Yeah! You like my nigga balls, don’t you?”
I was no longer in the mood.
You seemed like a good guy. Yet you made the theme of the night to be all about your balls. The whole night was homage to your “nigga balls.” I must have counted at least half a dozen times when you made reference to your balls or asked me to pull on them hard again.
Then you asked, “What do you want me to do?”
“I already told you. I want you to fuck me hard.”
“Yeah but what else do you want me to do?”
Sigh. Don’t you get it? It’s good and considerate to ask about a woman’s desires…. but don’t be asking us that the whole night!
We had reveled in some dirty talk earlier. That was good. That was fun. I liked that. But here you are making me think too much in an act that is supposed to be carnal and lustful.
Just take charge and FUCK ME! In fact, just SHUT UP and FUCK ME!!
Finally… yeah oh ahhhh oh yes oh god… no wait…
Something wasn’t feeling right. Something was missing. I started to gyrate my ass.
“Why are you shaking your ass like that, huh?,” you asked.
“You don’t like it?,” I said.
“I do… But why? Why you doing that, huh?”
“Because I wanna come…”
(I took a moment to search for the words.)
“…Come on your nigga balls.”
That’s when I heard you gasp in exhilaration. You groaned and then went limp.
“Sorry. Give me another half hour to get it back up.”
Really??? Talking about your balls makes you come?!
After the break, you asked me your favorite question of the night, “What do you want to do?”
“Uhm… I wanna rub your back in cocoa butter.”
…In all honesty, I’d rather rub your back than rub your balls one more time. Never will I tell you that I couldn’t feel much from the fucking either. I couldn’t tell you then, but…
You have one skinny dick.
It’s no fault of your own. That, I know is genetics. Though I had no qualms about your length, the only reason I started to gyrate my ass was in hopes that you could hit something. My G-spot maybe?
And from woman to man:
Leave the kinky unusual ball sack pulling and stretching to the second or third night together.
Let’s have plain ol’ fun sex first, okay?
The “One Time Is Enough” Girl
I’ve read and re-read it so many times and I still can’t stop laughing. Dating, sex, relationships… what am I saying… PEOPLE are just funny.
So it’s your turn now. If you have a “Dear […] Guy/Girl” letter you want to write, email me by clicking the button at the top right of the page. Remember, the story has to be true. I don’t accept fiction and please keep the letter to 700 words or less.
If you are selected, I reserve the right to do minor editing for the purpose of flow.
In the meantime, if you are new to the blog and can’t wait for another laugh, go read The Most Unlikely Orgasm for Men and Kill the Mood Please blogs. If not, you can always send me questions about your current personal dating and relationship situation.