A Woman’s Take on HBO Girls: Episode 8 Revisited
Posted by Khiem in: Advice, Articles

Today is a continuation of my friend Thuy’s series of blogs on HBO Girls.

She writes with such great insights, I’m still smiling thinking about it… and for you lucky reader, you’ll learn how she almost lost her virginity.

But before you read her blog, if you haven’t watched it yet, go watch HBO Girls!  HBO Girls has been the most surprising TV hit show this last season.  I posted an audio commentary to this episode here.

I guarantee you.  A lot of people in their 20s and 30s will relate not only to the romantic struggles these girls living in New York face, but also to their insecurities and random adventures in life.

Without further ado, enjoy Thuy’s take on HBO Girls episode 8 “Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too.”

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Finally! Hannah’s hopes come true and Adam becomes the boyfriend.

I went through a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes with feelings of uncertainty through the eyes of Hannah.

Let’s face it.  We don’t know a whole lot about Adam.  Hannah fell for him before she even really knew him.

She was floored to know that he was in AA from the last episode!  A lot of women make this mistake.  In the beginning of the courtship, they don’t really fall for whom the guy really is. They fall for the image or fantasy that they have created about him.

I hear this over and over again from my girlfriends.  At first, he’s the perfect guy who does everything right.  Then they get disillusioned and discover he’s an asshole.

Sex does a funny thing to women.  It creates that bonding hormone called Oxytocin.  It makes them feel as though they are in love, when it is in fact their pussy that is creating that funny feeling inside!

At first glance, he is the perfect boyfriend.

He even demonstrates “good boyfriend” characteristics when he tells Hannah not to minimize Marnie’s feelings about her breakup and gives her some sage advice to “do what makes you feel good”.

Then we watch Adam share an important part of his life with Hannah- his acting and writing.

Like Khiem said, dating is all about sharing.  It brings the two people closer together.  You can tell that Hannah felt special for having this window into his passion.

You can see that she was falling deeper in love with him during the tech rehearsal.  That was also the time when she started getting a wake up call though.

Does he have a brilliant mind or is he off his rocker?  He snaps at his theater partner and then unreasonably quits just two weeks before the show.

Then he screams and curses like a mad man at the driver on the street.  Does he have anger management issues too?  It totally rattles Hannah so much that she is not in the mood to have sex with him when they get home.

Khiem and Evan played down the scene where Adam pees on Hannah in the shower.

I tried to get into Hannah’s head…  It wasn’t too long ago that she just discovered that he was in AA. Then she sees a whole side of him that she’s never seen before.

She really doesn’t know this guy!  She is not just freaked out that he peed on her.  She’s freaked out that he might be psycho!!

He just jumped behind her in the shower, had this creepy look on his face that got her screaming, and then he gave this menacing laugh as he was peeing on her.

You can interpret his action in different ways:

  1. Urine is waste matter.  It could be seen as an action of demeaning another person.
  2. He might have a weird fetish.  Think about it.
    In the very first episode, he gives her anal sex without even explicitly asking for her permission.  There are some things, like kissing, that guys shouldn’t ask for permission.
    But when it comes to testing boundaries like that though, the girl has to feel safe with you and know that you are respecting her.
    Every girl has different boundaries so you have to know when and how far to push it.  Ease into it.  Thus far, she had felt safe with him with everything they’ve done together even if it was uncomfortable at first.  Now, he’s giving her the golden shower.
    She is screaming that she doesn’t like it and he’s not stopping his flow!  He pushed her too far.  What other freaky things is he into and will she still feel safe around him??
  3. He just has a weird sense of humor that only people close to him can somewhat comprehend and Hannah doesn’t know him well enough to “appreciate” it.

This is also another mistake that women tend to do.

They take their minds so far beyond what is happening that it’s not all set in the truth anymore.

Classic example would be after a woman gives her number out to a guy.

It’s been three days. Why hasn’t he called me?… He was talking to other girls that night. Maybe he asked them out instead…  He only texted me. Maybe he’s just into a one-night stand…

Women waste so much mental energy and anguish when they should let it be and let the truth be revealed.  Luckily, Hannah doesn’t blow it out of proportion.  She gets grounded back to reality.  She breathes again.

Then a really beautiful moment happens…

She begins to listen to him and sees him for who he really is.

It’s a wonderful moment that shows how communication in a healthy relationship should be.  Hannah recognizes something in him that Adam doesn’t see.

He maintains his ideals but still listens and acknowledges her input.  He doesn’t become defensive or stonewall her.  He evaluates what she says and realizes she has something there.

They both have a moment of growth.  An experience of true bonding happens and you begin to see there could be longevity in this relationship.

On the flip side, Marnie’s long-term relationship just ended.

I almost felt that Khiem made a pretty shallow observation when he said, “Is there really any reason for her grieving?”

She may be the hotter of the two.  She may be the one who dumped him but even a dumper mourns for the loss of the relationship because deep down inside there’s a part of them that wish it could have worked out and they could stay in love.

I can really relate to Marnie’s anguish.  I didn’t quite cry over my “Charlie’s” Facebook pictures.

I was just looking at his wedding pictures.  I discovered about my ex ‘s wedding just three days before the big day!

Just a little over a year and half after our breakup, here he was getting married whereas I had barely started dating again.  Like Marnie sobbing how it could have been Charlie and her in that picture, I felt a tinge of sadness at how it could have been us walking down the aisle.

I know it sounds cheesy but we had to break up for him to grow and to become the man who is capable of being the loving husband today.

Moments like these force you to reflect.  It takes two to make a relationship.  It takes two to have a breakup.

If you stop fully blaming the other person and take some responsibility for what happened, you will learn more about yourself and grow.

Sometime after our relationship ended, my ex and I talked. (I know that’s a novel idea.)

I told him that he was everything that I had asked for but he failed to believe in himself, which cost our relationship.

He said:

No. You wanted more.

Those words stayed with me because in retrospect, it was true.

You realize what you tolerated in the relationship is now a deal breaker for you.  It’s important to know yourself well so that you can know what you want in a man.

What qualities that you want in a man, you better have those same qualities yourself.

It seems like Marnie and I got the crap deal.

Charlie went with the girl to Rome. My ex wound up being someone else’s husband.  He found love before I did.

Logically, you would think the dumper would move on before the dumpee but that is not always the case.

Do I believe that I had wasted the last year and a half of my life?  Of course not!

I spent that time focusing on my career goals, doing everything that I had always wanted to do, and challenging myself to realize my fullest potential.  That is actually time spent towards “developing” a relationship.

When you are raising the bar for yourself, you are raising the bar for your future partner.

So many women have the fear of being alone and stress about not finding love again.  Men and women alike think they need to be in a relationship to be happy.

However, to depend on the other person to make you happy puts too much pressure in a relationship.

If you rely on them to make you happy, how can they rely on you to be happy?  That is not a stable foundation.

You need to fill that void yourself.  Only when you are a complete person and can be happy on your own, can you have a complete and happy relationship.

Now, I’m not going to indulge in how to make a threesome work.  I think Khiem and Evan went extensive enough on how to get in on the action. 😛

I will talk instead about the guy who tried too hard.

Back in the day, I was making out with this guy in my college dorm room.  There were some moments when I giggled.  He got defensive and asked, “Are you laughing at me??”

He had this image in his mind from movies he’s seen that sex is supposed to be intense and serious.  It didn’t quite go that way and he took it personally.

Things didn’t go according to plan for the successful guy with Marnie and Jessa and he blasted out on them. If you set this expectation of how things will go with the other person, or persons for that matter, you set yourself up for frustration.

Let go.  Resist having to control everything.  Why can’t sex be lighthearted and fun?

I was a virgin.  He was not.  I expressed to him that I wasn’t ready.  He decided then to give me a “sample” of what it feels like…

He dry humped me like a jack hammer through my jeans, asked me how it was, then pushed me for sex.

I told him I wanted to wait until after marriage. (I was totally lying.)  If the dry humping was the preview of what sex with him was going to be like, I did not want to take part in it.  I did not want my first time to be that horrible.

He just tried too hard.  So please, don’t feel compelled to prove anything.  Take it easy.  Just enjoy each other’s company and the momentum will build up.

In this battle between the successful guy and Adam, I’d say Adam wins in this episode.

Adam acknowledges his mistakes and takes ownership of them.  He makes a very heartfelt and romantic apology to Hannah.

She learns to let go of her preconceived notions of what a relationship should be.

Adam may not be the perfect guy but he is perfect for her.

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Wow, that was a lot to take in, wasn’t it?

This is why I love Thuy’s blogs.  She shares her thoughts with such candor that you can’t help but take some time to reflect on your own love life.

So here’s a little question for you.  What did you enjoy about HBO Girls episode 8.  Have you had experiences that relates to what Hannah and Marnie just went through?  Share your thoughts below.

And if you want my or Thuy’s opinion on your current dating situation, shoot me an email!

 


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