|A Woman’s Take on HBO Girls: Episode 7 Revisited|
|Posted by Khiem in: Advice, Articles|
So I’m a little jealous. A few weeks ago, I posted the commentary about HBO Girls from my dear friend Thuy and it seems to have really hit a cord with some people, especially the women. She’s posted links to her guest blog on her Facebook and a lot of her friends have been complimenting her. Damn!!! I don’t think I’ve ever had compliments from my friends on my own posts.
Well… maybe what it really proves is that not too many of my friends read my blog. Hmmm… what should I do about that, huh?
Anyway, I am proud to post Thuy’s next blog as part of her ongoing take on the greatest surprise hit show of the year: HBO Girls!!! Enjoy.
Oh… and before I forget: if you have a personal romantic situation you want to run by me or Thuy, make sure to send me an email. We can both answer it privately or on my next blog. And if you want to learn the skills to avoid the very romantic sticky situations I’ve been writing about on this blog, let me know as well and I can discuss with you coaching options.
I love the warehouse parties that Khiem, Evan and I go to. There’s so much people watching…and in this episode, there is so much character watching!
With Jessa and her texting back a random number, what should I not share?!! Initially, I thought she was ridiculous… until of course, I end up doing something similar myself. I had texted a number from my address book that I had presumed to be my ex’s. He’s been calling me for a couple weeks to get back together, so I just texted him from that saved number. Little did I know I was texting the wrong guy! It took about three texts before we realized I had the wrong person. I don’t know why, but once the confusion cleared up, we started flirting with each other!
I guess he must have enjoyed it because he promised to text me again the next day… which led to a string of more flirty texts over the next two days… which then led to a date. The mystery was what made it fun for the both of us. It was exciting! I just knew the exhilaration Jessa felt, not knowing who the mystery person was.
I am guilty of ignoring some texts too. There was this guy who got my number at a party and he started texting me. They were friendly texts but I eventually got bored, feeling it was going nowhere. As a result, I didn’t respond back to his last text and that was the end of it. Perhaps, I might have been too quick to judge and guys shouldn’t take it personally. But guys need to know this simple truth: I have some numbers and guys’ names in my cell that I don’t recognize or even remember where I met them at all. What they say is right: it really is a number’s game. You shouldn’t take it too seriously if she doesn’t respond back to you.
However, if you really want a girl to take you seriously, PICK UP THE PHONE!!! I don’t mind if a guy makes the initial contact through a text. There are cases when it’s actually better to start out that way. However, you can only do that for so long. Texting doesn’t allow for the same level of emotional connection as talking on the phone does. After a while, the boredom sets in and it actually becomes harder for you to close the deal when there is no real escalation.
Personally, I can never take a guy seriously if he’s only communicating to me through text. Girls have a rule out there that says if a guy only texts you, it means he only wants you for sex. And in case you were wondering: yes, I did go out with that random “text guy.” I think of it as an anomaly. I also still don’t take him seriously or see any relationship potential with him. But I did it for the fun of it.
[Editor’s Note: I think this is a perfect example of why men need to learn to communicate better, particularly flirt and engage people’s emotions through better storytelling. How would you feel if you were to find out that you lost your chance with a woman because you were BORING via texts?]
Like Jessa, I also had a married man interested in me before. However, I was much more innocent at that time, maybe almost Shoshanna innocent. I met him at an acoustic guitar class. We became friends. He openly talked about his wife. He seemed harmless, right? Then one day, he invited me to see a live band at a bar because we were both music lovers. When I got there, I asked where his wife was. He mentioned that he had taken her here before but she didn’t like it as it was too loud for her. I should have seen that as a red flag.
I believe he was telling the truth but I sensed the frustration in his tone of voice. We hung out another time when he was near my workplace for a convention. He wanted to grab a bite and a movie to beat the traffic. That’s when it hit me! That’s when I realized there was trouble in his marriage and that he was interested in more than a friendship with me.
He poured out all his frustrations onto me. He then laid his hand on my inner thigh during the movie! (And I don’t think it would classify as a non-sexual massage if you know what I mean). I definitely wasn’t about to condone his actions but as much as I may get hate mail from other women, the reason why I believe he was drawn to me was because he felt free to be himself around me. His wife made him feel constricted and suppressed. Along the way, he lost his sense of self. Unfortunately, he thought he could find it externally rather than confronting his problem at home with his wife.
That’s how I relate to Jessa’s boss. Jessa’s boss is going through a mid-life crisis. His wife is the bread-winner in the family and he has no sense of purpose. If you look at their interactions, the marriage is pretty passionless too. Guys need a sense of purpose or else they lose their mojo. That explains why he was begging to Jessa to come home with him. Jessa represents the freedom, passion, and youthful vitality that he once had. Sadly, he thought he could regain it through her.
Khiem and Evan expressed their disappointment at the boss begging Jessa for affection and suggested he needed to start believing in his own attractiveness again. There’s so much truth in that. Let me be blunt. If you are begging or is desperately obsessed to be with a woman, it is not the woman that you really want. In your mind, she represents the very thing you lack… which is what you desperately want. Being with her is not going to fill that void. You have to mend that yourself and once you do, you will be confident and never have to beg a woman again to accept you in her life.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, Marnie seems to have lost herself when she lost Charlie. Sometimes, you are so wrapped up in the loss that you can’t strategize about getting him jealous! I will save my commentary about her for a different blog.
Now, in between all the “loss” that was portrayed in the party for many of the characters, I was relieved to see that there was hope that Hannah could gain something out of the night. I loved the scene when Adam called Hannah out:
“You never ask me about my life!,” he says.
The line alone reveals a whole new dimension to Adam that we have never seen before. Before this incident, we only saw Adam through Hannah’s eyes. In episode 4, she said she wanted him to make her feel like she was the best person in the world. Reciprocally, did she ever make him feel like the best person in the world? She never asked him about his world!
In a relationship, you have to reciprocate. Fighting with Adam brought up a mirror to her own perception of herself. More often than not, a relationship is a reflection of who you are and I hope that Hannah finally gets to see herself for who she is as she ponders what’s going to happen next with Adam.