A Woman’s Take on HBO Girls: Episode 5 Revisited
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, Product Reviews

Every few months, I like my clients to reflect a little bit on what they’ve been doing in their social and dating lives.  It’s a good way to reflect and see how much they have improved (if at all).  If they haven’t, are they at least  having fun?

Now that the summer is coming to an end, take a moment and look back.  How has your summer been?  Did you go wild?  Are you happy?  How many good dates have you been on?  Did you find an amazing connection somewhere?  Did you have a hot fling?  If not, why not?  What would you change?

Looking back, I can proudly say that I’ve had a blast!  I’ve met some great people, I’ve explored new things… and it’s only getting better as I’m gearing up to keep things as exciting as ever for the rest of the year.  I’m also proud to have managed to post fresh content almost every week on the blog, which was one of my important personal goals for the summer.

I definitely want to credit HBO Girls for helping me achieve that goal by giving me constant stream of great topics to discuss on the blog.  In case  you haven’t yet, let me tell you again:  GO WATCH IT!  As a guy, I think you’ll get a lot of insight into how modern women in their 20s feel about their life and men.  Granted, these women only represent a small sample of women (the show portrays mostly white women) but the insight you gain is invaluable!  And if anything, I’m sure you will relate to the characters’ emotional struggles with your own.

Once you watch it, go back and listen to my “guys’ commentary” podcast of the show because today, I’m bringing in my friend Thuy to share some womanly perspective.  I consider Thuy as the evil woman who got me addicted to HBO Girls.

Every week, she’s been following my podcast review of the show and as much as she agrees with me on some things, she also has a lot to add, especially observations geared towards women’s dating behaviors.  I have asked  her to compile her thoughts into a series of blogs which I’m happy to post starting today.

Enjoy!

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Jessa and he ex-boyfriend

I am the woman responsible for getting Khiem hooked on HBO Girls!  I love Girls because the issues aren’t about getting those coveted Jimmy Choo shoes.  They are very real issues that all of us have faced at one point in our lives.  I am not a professional expert on dating like Khiem, nor can I tout having an extensive dating experience.  [Editor’s Note:  don’t be fooled, Thuy is an EXCELLENT flirt and I have witness the seductive power she has exerted over some men].  However, I can relate to all the girls in the show because I see a little bit of myself in every one of them.

To me, episode 5 was not just about loss of control and power shifts, it was about how sex and relationships define a woman.  Khiem and Evan astutely deduced that women are more sexual than men believe. How they hit it right on the nose!

I admire how Jessa is so aware of her seductive powers.  More women need to own it like her!  I learned about my seductive powers quite by accident in college.  It was meant as a joke actually.  While grazing my fingers against my classmate’s jawline and mouth, with my lips almost seemingly reaching hers, I said in a low tone, “So… what are you doing tonight?”  The girl literally jumped on top of my lap!  (And she was straight too!)  My guy friend, who witnessed my seduction, said he needed a cold shower.  Not only was I surprised by the big reaction, I was surprised with myself.  What did I just do?  My female friend was shocked as well that she could get aroused by a woman!

Every woman has in herself the ability to be a seductress.  It’s about a state of mind.  Take your mind to the sex that you two are about to have and watch yourself seduce him or her faster than you ever thought possible. Really desire your partner… but leave a little bit to his/her imagination of what is about to come.  As you whisper in his ear, do it so close that you are lightly grazing your soft lips against it.

Every woman can create her own style based on her personality – you can either be more playful or deceptively coy.  Yet what matters is the attitude and confidence you are doing it with.  Once you do it, it is quite a power trip!  I am sure that was exactly Jessa’s motivation when she delivered his comeuppance for being the only guy who ever dumped her.  You will surprise yourself with the newly found control that you possess over him.

Evan said that guys should not suffer through nice guy-itis.  The same can be said for women.  Women are conditioned by society to be people-pleasers, to be the “nice girl.”  I am a pretty adaptable person and I think that allows me to connect with a lot of different people.  One of my exes reminisced about our time together and the things we did.  Although what he said about me was accurate, I still felt like he didn’t know me.  That’s because there are many sides to me and he didn’t see all of them.  You are doing yourself a disservice when you just accommodate to everything your partner does.  You are denying parts of yourself when you do that and will lose your sense of self in the process. [Editor’s Note: David Schnarch has a great book called “Passionate Marriage” on this very topic]

I stopped trying to define myself.  Rather, I choose to be true to myself and accept myself for everything that I am, contradictions and all.  As you get deeper into the relationship, allow yourself to reveal every side of yourself without fear of judgment.  Stand up for who you are.  They will respect you and be more attracted to you for that.  If they don’t accept everything that you are, then they are not the right person for you.  Don’t try to fit into his mold.  Have him fit into your life.

Evan and Khiem posed a fun question – Charlie or Adam?  Based on just what I know about Episode 5, I would honestly choose neither.  If I really had to choose, then I suppose I would go with Charlie simply because he’s at least respectful towards Marnie.  Who you choose as a partner is really what you need at that point in your life.  That’s not the same as what you want though.  Marnie was insecure and afraid when she first met Charlie.  Charlie gave her the comfort and confidence that she needed.  Once he fulfilled that, she no longer needed him.  Once her security blanket, Charlie was now threatening to leave her.  She freaked out not from fear of losing him but from fear of losing what she gained from him.

The Boys on HBO Girls Likability Chart

Hannah is very risk-adverse.  Adam challenges her to get outside of her comfort zone and to expand herself.  Although he is exciting to her, he is also a bit of a dick to her.  This is a complete reflection of her own self-loathing.  I have a feeling that this is not the first time that she has been with someone who has treated her this way. If you really listen to her speech to Adam from Episode 4,

“…I don’t even want a boyfriend.”  Adam asks, “What do you want?”  She replies, “I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I’m the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me…  I don’t even want you to meet my friends.”

All of that sounds hypocritical to me.  How can you be exclusive fuck-buddies??  Is it any surprise that Adam is emotionally unavailable to her?  It sounds to me like she is using a defense mechanism to protect herself from the rejection and hurt that a relationship may bring.

The reason why Hannah ran back to Adam was that she felt dejected by her boss and wanted to feel sexually desired again.  Both Marnie and Jessa were driven to feel desired as well.  Women feel a loss of power and femininity when they are not desired.  However, if that is your main driving force, then that is the equivalent to thinking with your dick!  I’ve heard from many women that they tend to fall for the same type of guy over and over again… yet they don’t know why.  Look into yourself as to what is driving you. Only when you change yourself, then will you change the type of guys you attract.

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So let me ask you guys now… does Thuy give you new insights on how women feel?  Sound off in the comment.  I personally love it when girls divulge their secrets.  Stay tuned for her next blog soon :)


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