Dear Psycho Girl…
Posted by Khiem in: Articles, First Impressions

Do you guys know what I enjoy most about being a dating coach?  I get to hear all the gossip.  Yep, that’s right… every single down and dirty details… I’ve heard it.

If you think women tell their girlfriends everything, people tell me everything and more.  If someone is hot with clothes but not without, I know it.  If someone is awesome at sucking cock, eating pussy, loves rough and raw sex like no other, I know it too.

If the guy/girl you are going out with is a boring date, I know that as well.  What the guy/girl doesn’t know is that they aren’t going to get any anytime soon with the person who told me about them.

From overly small or large body parts, to bedroom quirks, to extremely good or bad dates, to stupid relationship fights, to unexpected emotional wounds, I get it all.  And the funny thing about it all… I don’t judge people any more positively nor negatively for it.

I still love it:  the gossip AND the people!

That’s what makes love great, doesn’t it?

And this is where the following letter comes in.  This is what one of my former clients experienced with one of his online dates.  The first couple times he met her, everything seemed pretty kosher.  Little would he know he was in for a surprise.  So with his permission, I’m reposting a parody letter he would have loved to send to the said Psycho Girl.

Read on to find out what happened.

It's Not Me It's You T-Shirt

Dear Psycho Girl,

I’m writing you this letter to let you know that “yes” means “yes.”
When we’re fooling around, naked in bed, and you tell me, “yes, let’s
have sex,” I’m hearing, “yes, let’s have sex.”

I know you may have been on the fence at first, but when you and I are
hot and heavy, paws running freely on our bare bodies, and you finally
tell me multiple times that you want it, you shouldn’t be surprised at
what I do next.

So when I go to reach for a condom from the nightstand, and I open the
drawer and pick up a condom, there’s no need to scream at the top of
your lungs, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??!!!” like a demon on meth. You should remember that just 10 seconds ago, you said, “yes, let’s have
sex.”

And when I tell you that “maybe we should slow things down just a
bit,” that does not mean “please start unloading about all of the
shitty relationships and loser guys you had in the last 10 years.” I
don’t want to hear about the guy who owned a motorcycle who you
weren’t sure whether you were dating or not, nor do I want to hear
your technical definition of what you consider actually fucking and
hooking up.

If he’s put it in you, it’s called “yes, you did it.”

In fact, not remembering whether you had sex with someone from the
past is not an excuse for trying to remember aloud.  I’d work on
remembering things a little more immediate.

How about “yes, let’s have sex.”

I wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

A Guy Who Will Never Call You Back

P.S. – Yes, I got your text, and your email, and your second email.
Just for future reference, thanking me for being so “understanding”
after such a fiasco does not make me want you (any)more.

So here I turn back to you, my dear reader.  What are some of the more interesting and extravagant experiences you’ve had while dating.

It’s storytelling time!!!


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