|How To Make Someone Like You|
|Posted by Khiem in: Articles|
I remember high school days… when all the boys and all the girls wanted to know one thing about the opposite sex: how do I make him or her like me?
Even in college, attracting the opposite sex was a rather elusive endeavor for me. How do I get her to notice me? How do I let her know that I want to be more than friends? Should I be funny around her? Do I just act nice? Do I give her a compliment? Maybe I should do thoughtful things to her.
There was a girl in college. She was petite, cute, had long black silky hair, she was really funny. There was an energy about her that just drew me to her. I didn’t consider her to be the usual type of girl that I would be attracted to.
First, she was Asian. I know, I know… that sounds terrible for me to say that but even though I am Asian, I am typically more attracted to non-Asian girls. I blame the whole living and being raised in France thing for that.
Second, she had a light speech stutter. However, that didn’t seem to bug me. I thought it was cute!
Third, she was rather small… and that implied a small chest too. I don’t know about you guys but I love boobs. Yep, I said it! Get over it
I think what drew me to her is that I found her to be such an oddity. She didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t fit any of my preconceived notions of what an Asian girl would be like.
I’m sure you guys have heard of the stereotype. Asian people drive Japanese cars. Well, guess what? She drove the biggest freaking Ford F-150 truck you could find. With her small frame, I’d watch her climb into her truck and drive away so proudly in it. Just the image of it still makes me chuckle.
Living in Texas at the time, I should have expected it too but she LOVED country music. I consider myself pretty open and experimental in my taste of music but I have to admit that country music is definitely not on my preferred list of music to jam to.
Looking back at what slowly drew me to her… and what drew me to all the women I went out with, I realize something. When it comes to me liking someone, I follow a pretty simple pattern.
First, something gets me intrigued about her. It could be her looks because she’s just hot. More particularly, it could be in the way she walks as in she has that weightless cloud-like demeanor to her. It could be her energy… because she’s very passionate about something, or she shows a lot of compassion or drive for something. It could be something she said to me… like she’s very flirty but in a non-expected way. Basically, she would say something that makes me do a mental double take.
Then, as I get curious about her and start hanging out with her or talking to her, I notice that she’s fun. It’s easy for me to talk to her, flirt with her, chat with her, tease her, be playful with her. Not only it’s easy, but it feels that she “gets me.” As we have fun together, we connect not on facts… but on an emotional level. She either looks at life the same way I do or she makes me look at life in a new and cool way.
Finally, I see in her that she’s comfortable with herself, not just emotionally but physically too… which in turn makes me even more comfortable around her. No matter what we do, there’s an undercurrent of sexual tension. We can talk about life, family and work but we are also comfortable touching each other, using light sexual innuendos with one another, bantering… etc. Nothing she says comes from a place of trying to impress me. She’s her own woman, she speaks her own mind and act for her own pleasure and deep inside, she knows I want her… and I know she wants me.
So why am i sharing this with you? Because once you realize how you feel about yourself and how you interact with your world, it’s easy for you to figure out how to make someone like you.
Interestingly, the simple truth is no one can MAKE someone like you. But by being who you are, by the way you interact with your surroundings, by the things you project about yourself, you can influence her emotions to see you the way you hope she sees you.
There are 3 skills that I consistently notice lacking in people that come to me for help (There’s actually a fourth skill but it’s not really a skill as much as it is your ability to get over fear and hesitation which translates into your ability to just act without beating yourself up or doubting yourself constantly afterwards):
- An ability to elicit intrigue, curiosity, awe or admiration
- An ability to talk about yourself, relate to the other person and emote
- An ability to create or imply sexual tension or show romantic interest (without being creepy, weird or desperate)
- (An ability to just do it and not think too hard)
Let’s take the first skill: an ability to elicit intrigue, curiosity, awe or admiration. What does that mean to you?
Basically, you have to learn to get comfortable with drawing attention to yourself. How do you expect someone to like you if they don’t know you exist? Most people live in a coma. They are just focused on themselves, living their own life, doing their own thing. As such, you have to get them to notice you.
Just because they see you at work every day… or at Starbucks… doesn’t mean they actually SEE you, KNOW you, want to do anything WITH you. Even if you talk to them at the bar, is there something about you that would compel them to want to do something with you? Are you meaningful to their life?
So play up to your strengths and draw attention to yourself. Not only that, but create compelling reasons (or unique selling points about yourself for all of you marketing whiz) so that they want to hang out with you.
How you do that is up to you. You can do that by having a great sense of style. You can do that by being a gym nut and having an awesome awesome body. You can do that by learning to give a certain type of eye contact or smile so that she notices you in the room. You can do that by being the uber social guy whom everyone knows in the bar (aka social proof). You can even do that by being the super fun guy. It all depends on you and the situation you are in but the point is that you want to be able to grab their attention.
For the newbies out there, the short answer means: try to look good. How’s your posture? Do you walk calmly and confidently? Can you give focused and friendly eye contact? Can you give a flirty smile? Do you look interesting? Once you are already confident, looks may not matter as much but for now, it helps!
Before you even open your mouth, you want people to look at you and give you proper eye contact. That’s how you ‘ll know you have their attention and if you did a good job at that, maybe you even created a little bit of buzz about yourself.
Now… let’s talk about the second skill: an ability to talk about yourself, relate to the other person and emote.
This is essentially your ability to tell stories and carry a conversation. If your conversations end with blank or boring stares, you are probably not speaking with enough emotions or with enough conviction and passion.
Let’s be honest, when you first meet someone, no one cares about what you do for a living or who your friends are. No one cares about you, period. What they do care about though… is how you make them feel. Can you get them excited? Can you help them have more fun because you are around? Can you arouse any feelings in them? Do you have something unique, different, fun and interesting to say?
After chatting with you, they should desire you more, not less!
So paint a vivid picture of why you are awesome. Notice my word choice. I said paint a picture and not… literally tell them why you are awesome. You shouldn’t have to spell it out for them. You want them to discover your awesomeness on their own through your stories and actions.
Are you awesome because you are THAT guy who does so many cool things in his life? Are you awesome because you have a deep and personal view on some topic? Are you awesome because you are just plain fun? What is it about you that is so cool? Maybe you are awesome because you are that guy who actually listens very intently and knows how to make the other person feel appreciated from you listening to them.
Whatever it is, you want to make the other person feel something because they interacted with you. You want them to feel YOU, feel the kind of person you are through the verbal and physical dialogues you are having with them. Let them connect with you.
Don’t be shy and tell stories of your life with conviction and passion. Use your voice as the music that sings to them and sing the most beautiful song you can about yourself. People will relate to you when you can be open and proud of all the experiences you choose to share with them. When you do that, whatever feelings they feel from being around you, they will attach to you.
Finally, the last skill you need to learn is how to communicate romantic interest and the use of sexual tension.
If you look at the beginning stages of dating, it’s about making each other feel desired and hooking up. Can you make him or her feel special, not just as a person but as a sexual creature? Can you arouse sexual feelings in him or her?
Your mind is your most powerful tool when it comes to seduction. Especially with women, win her mind and her body is yours. When you learn to speak and move sensually, you awaken her sexual imagination. If she can imagine you sexually, you’ve won half of the battle already.
Of the women I’ve gone out with, there was a constant undercurrent of “I like you and I’m so going to hook up with you.” It didn’t matter how, when or if it actually happened or not… but by the way I talk to them, lead them, they knew that if they kept on hanging out with me, it was going to happen.
You can’t be afraid of having sexual desires for someone. You can’t be afraid of letting it be known either. The art of seducing someone’s mind is to do it in a way that is not creepy, weird or desperate.
You can do that by the way you look at her. You can do that by the way you gently caress or touch her lower back. You can do that by the way you let yourself melt in her arms when you hug. You can do that by the sexual innuendos that you use… or the vocal intonation that you use when flirting with her. You can even do that with a well timed compliment. You can sometimes do that by how you act coy when she teases you more overtly.
No matter what, it’s about arousing each other’s mind… and when you do it right, you both know you are going to hook up and it’s exciting! It’s exciting because there’s an anticipation of what’s to come.
So… you can’t literally make someone like you but there are things you can do to help you get someone to like you. Change the circumstances and conditions from which someone perceives you.
When you apply the three skills I described above in your dating life, you can stack the odds in your favor and influence someone’s emotions in ways that they will most likely end up liking you. And when they start liking you, they’ll surely want to go out with you.
Isn’t that why you were wanting in the first place?
If you liked this article and feel you need help in your dating or relationship life, shoot me an email! I’m still accepting clients for private coaching either by email, phone or in person.