|Even Jocks Need Help – How Assumptions Play Tricks On Us|
|Posted by Khiem in: Articles|
I find it so very funny.
It always amazes me how assumptions and stereotypes sometimes get the best out of us.
Last week, I spent almost an entire week in Vegas to visit my girlfriend. While there, I met one of Jack’s NYC friend. For the purpose of the blog, let’s call Jack’s friend Manuel.
If you are new to the blog, Jack is one of the guest writers on my blog. He’s a good friend of mine, 23 year old, Chinese, fairly good looking guy and extremely fun to be around.
Manuel is this Nicaraguan guy, working for a well-known corporation in the US, doing finance. He’s in Vegas for a job recruiting event. He’s actually the speaking representative for his company there.
I first met Manuel in the lobby of the Riviera, flirting with the girl at the facial care products stand. Jack and I were passing by to put my stuff in the room when I saw him talking to the girl, trying to get to know her while allowing her to practice her sales pitch on him.
When I first saw him, he looked kind of handsome. He was definitely not “model type” handsome but he presented himself well. His image was clean and fashionable. He was wearing brown True Religion Jeans, a nicely pressed black shirt overlaid with a corduroy sport coat. His outfit matched the long pointy yet square-ish, cowboy-ish shaped shoes he had on.
He was about my height (I’m 5’10), maybe a bit taller and looked very stout. He’s not lean and muscular like those 3 hours a day gym rats. He was big in the sense that he probably played football at some point in his life and still carried that “meatiness” that most guys in that sport tend to get after they stop playing. He also had a gut so by no means was he good looking but he was handsome, looking the way he did.
I heard very good things about him from Jack. Jack told me that Manuel was kind of a natural. He supposedly had a natural ability to casually engage women in conversations. According to Jack, most women like him. He’s fun and pretty comfortable with himself.
When he was growing up, his brothers always teased him and gave him a hard time. I guess that’s how he learned to not take teasing so personally and how to accept himself. Maybe it comes with the territory from being raised in a hispanic culture and all… but Manuel knew how to take verbal abuse. He knew how to give it as well. I found out much later that he could be really funny with it.
Pickup Artists (PUAs) would probably say we were AMOG-ing each other all weekend long but I would like to think we were just giving each other some tough love and man was it fun! (For the non-initiated, AMOG-ing is the PUA term for guys giving each other shit to one up one another. It’s like a verbal battle of the wits, usually to impress and win over a girl but in this case, Jack, Manuel and I weren’t trying to impress anyone.)
As mean as some of his comments were, I couldn’t help but laugh, especially when he was throwing Jack under the bus.
Jack: Manuel, right before I met you, I was having no problems with girls. I was actually just enjoying seeing 2 girls casually for a while but man…. ever since I met you, I’m on this dry spell. I can’t break it. It sucks! Everyone is getting on this “green” or “holier than thou” bandwagon lately. It’s not like I’m trying to save or conserve myself…
Manuel: Dude, I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m on this dry spell too! It’s your fault. It all happened after I met you. I’ve had so many opportunities but they all kind of fell flat at some point. I know you aren’t saving yourself but hey, maybe you can think of it as you conserving your balls. You are not over-using them. You are keeping them healthy and going green at the same time!
Jack: You bitch!
What made Manuel so charming is that he was so down to earth. He was funny but not a clown. He was strong but not overbearing.
Overall, he seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn’t have too many issues with women.
That’s what I assume a lot of times when David Wygant and I see clients during bootcamps. We’d meet these highly successful and sometimes very handsome guys who are articulate, intelligent and socially well-adjusted. By most social standards, they look attractive… so why are they taking a bootcamp? Sometimes, you’d be surprised by the insecurities they hold in regards to women.
It was only a matter of time before Manuel started opening up to me.
He was telling me how his apartment complex had a front security desk. Not too long ago, he’d go out with lots of women and every few days, the security guard at the front desk would see him come home with a different girl every time.
After a while, the security guy would greet Manuel with a big grin when he’d see him walk in with a woman. It’s as if he knew something no one else did. Well… he sure didn’t know anything.
The truth is… more often than not, Manuel didn’t get laid. He didn’t always close the deal. Just because he hung out with lots of women and that women seemed to enjoy his company didn’t make him a womanizer. He just looked like he did.
That’s when he started learning about the Seduction Community. That’s when he learned and practiced what Mystery teaches. Even though he never felt he was THAT bad with women, he felt he could be better.
Manuel told me:
You know, Khiem… I was one of those guys in high school. I grew up in Texas.
I’d play a lot of sports. I was very big in football so I’d spend all my time outside playing this or that sport. I was always hanging out with my boys.
I never really learned to socialize with women. I never really learned to connect and seduce them properly.
If I was to go back, I’d want to take more time to hang with girls.
Oh my god…
Was I really hearing what I think I was hearing? I couldn’t believe it! Hasn’t he watched Friday Night Lights?
Football guys… Cheerleaders… Random Parties… Alcohol… Women…
I mean, come on! He’s the “it” guy.
For most frustrated guys out there, the idea of being a jock implies being the cool and popular guy. And for being the cool and popular guy, it means you get access to lots of women, which therefore translates to a higher chance of hooking up with random girls.
Don’t get me wrong. Manuel was not desperate. He does get some play. After all, he is pretty socially well-adjusted. He wasn’t awkward like most shy or introverted guys. However, because he was seen with lots of women having fun didn’t mean he could get laid.
I started chuckling inside. I guess we all have our insecurities and excuses.
You see… in my line of work, I usually meet the guys who come from nerdy or geeky backgrounds, the guys who’ve spent too much time by themselves, in highly cerebral or academic fields (accounting, math or philosophy majors, etc.)… or the guys who’ve spent too much time with a machine (engineering, video gamers, computer sciences… etc).
They are the ones we generally think need the most help with women. They have limited experience socializing. They have limited exposure with women. It makes sense.
However, here… I had a blatantly social guy in front of me and listen to the excuse he was giving me.
I started chuckling inside. I guess we all have our insecurities and excuses.
It doesn’t matter what our background is. We all face certain “growing pains” when it comes to women.
I started realizing something. Maybe the Pickup Artists have it all wrong. You don’t need to be the socially high value guy to get laid. It helps… but you don’t have to be.
You just have to be the man. You just have to be the man who’s not afraid of what he wants.
The difference between men and women is gender.
Manuel needed to not be afraid of his sexuality. Manuel needed to be more authentic with his sexual intent. Manuel needed to know how to arouse women better.
I don’t care what your excuses are… geeks, nerds, too religious… etc. Even the handsome popular guys don’t always get laid.
Don’t be too quick to judge or assume.
Things are not always as they seem.
On a different note, I just stopped by my friend Jay/Formhandle’s house yesterday night. Some of you who are in the Pickup Community may know him as being the big guy behind Fast Seduction. He just informed me that he’s releasing a new DVD product called The Art of Pickup – Tactics and Techniques.
He gave me a preview at his house. The DVD is not based on any particular method but uses routines as a stepping stone to understanding what happens in a pickup.
I’m definitely not fond of routines because I feel there are much better ways for guys to gain confidence when it comes to meeting women but… I understand routines can be a necessary learning tool for some. Of what I’ve seen so far, I did like the fact that the DVD was organized more like a visual encyclopedia, rather than a lecture series.
If you are curious, go check out some of their video previews on their Art of The Pickup blog before you decide if it’s something you are interested in. I may do a review of it soon.