|How Observant Are You?|
|Posted by Jack in: Articles|
Hello peeps, Jack here again.
Here’s something I’ve been practicing on lately – observing my surroundings.
Now, on some subconscious level, we all do this everyday, everywhere we go.
Sometimes, we just tend to not pay attention to our surroundings even though we see everything. If you happen to be one of those people whose work requires a lot of observation skills, then your instincts are probably well honed and sharp.
Personally, I’m not so proud of my own observation skills. Compared to a natural, I’d say I’m pretty sucky… which is why lately, I’m training to become even better at it.
Believe or not, women are much better at observing their surroundings than men are. Biologically, they already have a wider peripheral vision than us men. Add to that, as a man in today’s society, we really don’t have to worry much about our safety but women think about their safety all the time. Thus, this creates a tendency for men to be ignorant of their surroundings.
I’ve hung out with Khiem and his observational skills are crazy. Based on a quick observation and sometimes with the use of an assumption, he can come up with a relevant opener in seconds.
If you haven’t noticed, “naturals” (guys that are exceptionally good with women since a young age) are very proficient with their observation skills. This awareness of their surrounding/environment allows these guys to understand women on a more instinctual level.
Good observation skills allows you more than just notice what the woman is doing or coming up with something clever to initiate a conversation with her. From what I could tell, a natural uses his observation skills to further understand a woman’s mindset. It’s as though he is observing the woman and knowing what she’s thinking about from inside her own head. It’s as if he was standing in her own shoes.
He may not be aware that he is doing it at all but nonetheless, whatever he observes, he makes direct association in his mind of what the woman wants.
Let’s say he sees a woman wearing a stunning silk red dress at a party. Just paying attention to that simple fact allows him to make certain assumptions on her. She could be very confident in her sexuality. She may want to stand out from other women and catch people attention tonight. With red being such an exuding color, she may be very outgoing by nature or at least she’s feeling social tonight.
Wanting to stand out from the crowd may indicate that she is more receptive to meeting men, secretly hoping that her dress will draw them into her. Since silk dresses are usually meant for classy occasions, she may want to exude more femininity to make her feel more like a woman.
A natural understands and sees all these details and tailor his approach to how she’s feeling about herself. He may approach her in a more gentleman-like manner to match where she is at emotionally.
Someone who is exceptionally good with observation skills makes these image and word associations very quickly. Upon looking at the woman, certain signals are instantly triggered in his head which leads him to imagine all sorts of comments or topics he can use to engage the woman.
At the most basic levels, observing a woman include paying attention to:
- Body Language
- Context or Situation
My list of things to observe is over-simplified and I’m sure there are more you can think of but I noticed that a natural guy doesn’t overcomplicate things. They notice things as they are and just use word or image associations to come up with spontaneous conversational starters.
Lately, I’ve been paying more attention to clothes and body language. I’ve found that women are usually paying more attention to other women rather than men. Believe it or not, women tend to dress to impress other women. Impressing men actually comes second. If you think about it, if a girl dresses better than all the other girls in a party, she is surely going to draw the attention of men. It’s automatic.
So if she stands out from the other girls, she is more likely to win the men over. Dressing to impress other women therefore makes more sense. As funny as it sounds, it also gives me a reason to pay attention to my fashion. The better I dress and the better I project a unique image, the more likely I am about to attract some form of attention from women.
I think that’s what a lot of men who get involved in the PUA Community fail to do. They fail to realize that developing great observation skills will help them gain the confidence to not only start conversations spontaneously wherever they are but will also allow them to trust their natural conversational skills more to drive the dialogue instead of relying on incongruent routines that they’ve learned over the internet. Observational skills also help them bring the woman back into the present moment because that’s how you develop a real true connection.
As I get better with my own observation skills, I see that observation skills are more than just observing. A man who is really good with it can make direct associations in his mind and make accurate assumptions of the girl he’s talking to.
He doesn’t just use it to initiate a conversation. He uses it to calibrate his approach to her and also keep the interaction flowing with seemingly minimal effort.
Have you been using your observational skills?