|Neil Strauss’ Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women|
|Posted by Khiem in: Articles|
Neil “Style” Strauss, the self-proclaimed world’s greatest Pick-Up Artist (PUA) and author of “The Game,” launched his StyleLife Academy this past weekend. The StyleLife Academy is basically an online program that give men personalized training to become good with women. I will admit that this online PUA school is the most innovative idea to hit the Seduction Community since Erik “Mystery” Von Markovik started to teach men live in-field through weekend bootcamps. It is a positive step forward for men who suffer from severe lack of social skills and who need more personal attention that an instructor can ever give over the course of one weekend. At $19.95/week, it is no small change for most young adults in their early 20s but it is a fair price that I’m sure the market can handle (which should add up to a nice little fortune for Mr. Strauss).
If you are curious about your potential to become a Pick-Up Artist, take their personal dating skills quiz. What I found of greater interest is the article Style wrote about the Top 10 Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women. I’ve read it… and I read it again, then I realized that I broke most of his rules at some point when I was enjoying being a social butterfly.
I don’t know about you but I have slowly learned that there aren’t any rules in the field of social dynamics that you can’t break or bend. For every rule I read, all I can think of is: why not? What’s important is not what you can or cannot do, it’s how you do things. Any “dos or do-nots” lists that you read on MSN or Yahoo dating sites are just mumbo jumbo that is prescribed by society. Neil Strauss’ special report is no exception. His article describes what I would call “best practices” for the aspiring PUA. Each point he makes should be seen as a guideline, not a strict rule that you can’t break or bend. Let me comment on what I feel is interesting to note in italics:
1. Don’t wait to approach her until she’s alone. Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.
Overall, good advice. However, if you find yourself approaching her alone and her friend comes in to drag her away, it’s your job to introduce yourself to him/her first and pre-empt the drag away.
2. Don’t stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching. Hesitate, and you’ll either creep her out or psyche yourself out.
Staring for too long is bad, period. If you’ve held a little bit of eye contact, it’s your cue to approach. From time to time, it’s OK to watch from a distance in a non-intrusive way. You can learn a lot by watching the circumstances of the person you are trying to approach. Timing CAN be important. However, this ONLY applies to someone who has no approach anxiety. Most guys who have approach anxiety shouldn’t do it because they will talk themselves out of the approach.
3. Don’t be afraid to approach her just because there are men in the group. Often, you’ll discover that she’s with family, friends, or co-workers.
Absolutely! Men are actually easier to approach than women so you should start with them. Men typically don’t care who you are and what you look like. As long as you are fun and cool, they’ll talk to you.
4. Never open a conversation by apologizing. Phrases like “Excuse me… “ “Pardon me… “ and “I’m sorry, but… “ make you sound like a beggar.
I don’t agree with this. The first step to making a successful approach is getting your presence acknowledged. You can do this by a simple “hey!” or by calling attention to yourself by slightly touching the outside of their arm. Using “Excuse me…” is not optimal but is completely socially acceptable. It is polite. The key to doing this is to deliver it right. You want to say your “Pardon me…” from a position of authority and high value. Do not pause after it. Go straight into your opening dialogue.
5. Don’t hit on her or give her a generic compliment. Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking the group to suggest names for a three-legged cat or a store that sells 70’s memorabilia. It may sound corny, but everyone loves to give their opinion.
Generally speaking, it’s a bad idea to show excessive sexual interest in a woman too early because most guys do not know how to follow-up without being too nice. However, don’t feel restrained by this rule. Using a compliment as a sign of genuine interest can work just fine. What you want to do after the compliment is to go directly into the personal and get the girl to commit back into talking to you.
6. Never, ever buy her a drink. You shouldn’t have to pay for her attention.
Agreed. You don’t have to buy anyone a drink to buy their attention at the start of a conversation. You can buy her a drink later if you are wanting to be friendly. Just know that women have an unspoken rule about drinks. If a girl likes you, she will buy you a drink. If she doesn’t, she’ll let you buy her a drink. This has been confirmed by many of my female friends.
7. Don’t touch or grab her right away. If she touches you, say, with a smile, “Hey now, hands off the merchandise.”
I personally hate that line. I understand that you are trying to convey that you aren’t easy… but there are so many other things you can do that would show that. If a girl touches me, I actually like it! I want to reward that, not punish it. When it’s you who want to touch her, don’t get all over her right away. It’s better to start with casual and friendly touching.
8. Don’t lean in or hover over her. Stand up straight and, if the music’s too loud or she’s seated, simply speak up.
Yes, I agree but don’t take this to the other extreme either. Leaning once in a while because you are REALLY interested in the conversation is a good sign that you are paying attention. Women appreciate that.
9. Don’t ask her what her name is, what she does for a living, or where she’s from. She’s bored of talking about the same things with every new guy she meets.
Yes, and no. You can ask these boring questions as long as they lead to interesting dialogue. The way to do it is to always add value when you respond/relate to what she tells you. Typically, limit yourself to 1-3 of them and if you can, don’t ask them all at the beginning. Spread them out instead. Asking/answering a few of these questions actually help you because the woman can easily identify you in her mind. It makes her feel comfortable with who you are. Obviously, there are a few better ways to do this as well.
10. Don’t focus all your attention on her when she’s with other people. If you win her friends over, you’ll win her.
Yes, always be social and friendly to everyone in her group until you decide to isolate her. Having fun, making others have fun and making connections is always a win-win situation.
In short, Neil Strauss’ advice is solid but know that you can break or bend these rules at any given time as long as you do it right. Your actions have to come from the right place.
On a different note, I want a cool job (aka challenging and fun). Anyone has something to offer?